He tried to pay for $37 in gas station snacks with a gallon bag of weed, asked to speak to a manager when it was declined, and was found eating unpaid Sour Patch Kids on the floor.
They stole six golf carts, bungee-corded them into two three-cart convoys, and tried to drive them 280 miles back to Jacksonville on the interstate shoulder.
He wasn't handcuffed. The cop stepped away. He climbed through the partition, stole the cruiser, and hit a Checkers drive-thru.
He stole nine packages off porches and accidentally delivered them to an off-duty cop's doorstep. She watched the whole thing on Ring.
He broke in, filled a pillowcase with valuables, then fell asleep in the recliner. The homeowner made him coffee before calling 911.
She tracked her stolen car to a Taco Bell, sat across from the thief, ordered a Crunchwrap Supreme, ate half of it, and then told him.
He broke in, fired up the flattop, cooked a full breakfast, left a tip, and critiqued the food on his way out in handcuffs.
He robbed a gas station in full Arby's uniform with his name tag on, then went back to finish his shift at the drive-thru.
The pursuit lasted twenty minutes, topped out at 4 MPH, and ended when the cart's battery died outside a Popeyes.