They dashed on a $204 steakhouse bill but left a two-star comment card critiquing the ribeye and the bread basket — signed with their real names and loyalty rewards number.
Her stolen car came back three days later washed, vacuumed, with a fixed taillight and a full tank of gas. She filed a report anyway, calling the unsolicited detailing 'kind of insulting.'
He cut a real drive-thru window into the side of his house to sell stolen goods without making customers get out of their cars. He called it 'Hot Stuff Express' and made them order into a speaker.
He stole roses off a stranger's grave for Mother's Day. The card still said 'For Mama, Love Eugene.' His mother is named Deborah. She made him return them in person.
He broke in, asked Alexa to play heist music, and Alexa pinged the homeowner's phone with an alert: 'Unknown voice request.' He was still trying to bargain with it when the cops arrived.
He pulled a transparent grocery bag over his head, walked into a bank, and slid a note across the counter. The teller knew him by name. He said 'dang it' and waited for the cops.
He asked ChatGPT how to rob a liquor store, printed all 14 pages, brought them to the robbery, left them on the counter, and printed the part where the AI told him not to.
He reviewed Roomba footage to find the burglar. He found the burglar. He also found his wife. And his neighbor. The Roomba had recorded all 43 minutes of it.
He robbed a 7-Eleven and tried to escape on the back of his pet emu. The emu was at the Sonic. The emu ate the money. The emu won.
He stole a riding mower, drove it 2.7 miles to a McDonald's drive-thru, ordered 40 McNuggets, and had a philosophical debate with the cashier about whether a lawnmower is a vehicle.