He broke in, asked Alexa to play heist music, and Alexa pinged the homeowner's phone with an alert: 'Unknown voice request.' He was still trying to bargain with it when the cops arrived.
He pulled a transparent grocery bag over his head, walked into a bank, and slid a note across the counter. The teller knew him by name. He said 'dang it' and waited for the cops.
He asked ChatGPT how to rob a liquor store, printed all 14 pages, brought them to the robbery, left them on the counter, and printed the part where the AI told him not to.
He robbed a 7-Eleven and tried to escape on the back of his pet emu. The emu was at the Sonic. The emu ate the money. The emu won.
He laminated Waffle House menus, wrote 'MASTERS' in gold Sharpie, added Bluey stickers for holographic flair, and sold seven of them at $400 a pop.
They stole six golf carts, bungee-corded them into two three-cart convoys, and tried to drive them 280 miles back to Jacksonville on the interstate shoulder.
He stole nine packages off porches and accidentally delivered them to an off-duty cop's doorstep. She watched the whole thing on Ring.
He robbed a gas station in full Arby's uniform with his name tag on, then went back to finish his shift at the drive-thru.