He ate twelve pot brownies thinking they were regular office treats. He then spent 45 minutes in a supply closet alphabetizing paper clips and narrating an elevator.
A drug-detection K-9 escaped his handler's backyard on his day off, wandered to a neighbor's 4/20 party, and sat in perfect alert position next to the stash. He ignored the hot dog they offered him.
She called 911 from inside Augusta National claiming her boyfriend was holding her hostage. She'd been watching golf for twelve hours. She did not want to be there.
He whisper-argued about Rory McIlroy for six minutes, then threw a $1.50 pimento cheese sandwich directly into a man's face at Amen Corner. Banned for life.
He spent $340 at Hobby Lobby building a wearable azalea costume, snuck into Augusta National before dawn, and watched the front nine before a groundskeeper tried to prune him.
He rented a house on Airbnb for Masters week, installed a keg system, hired a bouncer, charged cover, and made $3,400 before the neighbors called the cops.
He wasn't handcuffed. The cop stepped away. He climbed through the partition, stole the cruiser, and hit a Checkers drive-thru.
He tried to post bail with a Ziploc of raw Gulf shrimp. He called it 'street currency' and told the booking officer to Google it.
He broke in, fired up the flattop, cooked a full breakfast, left a tip, and critiqued the food on his way out in handcuffs.
The pursuit lasted twenty minutes, topped out at 4 MPH, and ended when the cart's battery died outside a Popeyes.