He queued 31 karaoke songs under fake names and barricaded himself on stage behind bar stools for two hours. The standoff ended when his voice gave out mid-'Sweet Caroline.'
Drunk and tearful, he climbed into a zoo enclosure to apologize to a capybara named Gordon for 'everything.' Gordon ate a piece of lettuce, turned away, and walked into his pool.
She crashed a wedding, sobbed through the ceremony, caught the bouquet, proposed to the best man, called him the wrong name, and fell into the cake during her toast.
Cinco de Mayo got her. Staff found her face-down in a 100-ounce margarita pitcher she'd refused to share. She told the server she 'lived here now' and tried to take the pitcher home.
He stole a riding mower, drove it 2.7 miles to a McDonald's drive-thru, ordered 40 McNuggets, and had a philosophical debate with the cashier about whether a lawnmower is a vehicle.
He rented a house on Airbnb for Masters week, installed a keg system, hired a bouncer, charged cover, and made $3,400 before the neighbors called the cops.
He tried to post bail with a Ziploc of raw Gulf shrimp. He called it 'street currency' and told the booking officer to Google it.
The pursuit lasted twenty minutes, topped out at 4 MPH, and ended when the cart's battery died outside a Popeyes.