RALEIGH, NC — A 41-year-old man was arrested within nine minutes of attempting to rob a Wells Fargo branch on Hillsborough Street Wednesday afternoon after entering the bank with a clear plastic produce bag pulled over his head and reportedly becoming “visibly frustrated” when a teller greeted him by name.

Lonnie Ray Hutchens allegedly walked into the bank at approximately 2:15 p.m. wearing what surveillance footage shows to be a Harris Teeter produce bag — the kind used for loose carrots and bell peppers — secured beneath his chin with what investigators believe was a hair tie. The bag was fully transparent. His face was, in the words of the responding detective, “completely and entirely visible.”

Transparent Intentions

The teller, Marissa Caldwell, immediately recognized Hutchens as a longtime customer of the branch. According to her statement, Hutchens slid a handwritten note across the counter that read, “THIS IS A ROBERY [sic]. GIVE ME ALL THE MONEY. I HAVE A WEAPON.” Caldwell looked at the note, looked at Hutchens, and said, “Lonnie? Is that you?”

“He got real quiet for a second. Then he said, ‘No.’ I said, ‘Lonnie, I can see your whole face. I helped you cash a tax refund check in March.’ He said, ‘Dang it,’ and just stood there. He didn’t run. He didn’t argue. He just said ‘dang it.'” — Marissa Caldwell, teller

Caldwell quietly activated the silent alarm while continuing to make small talk with Hutchens about his daughter’s volleyball team. Police arrived within four minutes. Hutchens was still standing at the counter, plastic bag still on, when officers entered. He was reportedly taken into custody without resistance and asked the arresting officer if the bag had been “the wrong kind.”

The arrest report notes that no weapon was recovered. Hutchens later told detectives the “weapon” referenced in the note had been a banana he had eaten in his car on the drive over. He was booked into the Wake County Detention Center on charges of attempted bank robbery and making terroristic threats. His JailReport.lol booking is currently the site’s number-one most-shared post of the week. Bond has been set at $25,000.