He robbed a check-cashing store in a seven-foot mouse costume. There was exactly one place in the county that rented it — and he'd signed for it under his real name.
He livestreamed his entire crime spree to 2,400 TikTok viewers. During the arrest, he asked the officer to hold his phone up so he could see if he'd hit 3K. Someone sent a rose.
He ran a fake towing company to steal cars and charge release fees for a month. He was caught because his magnetic truck signs spelled it 'RELIABEL' and the invoices said 'TOWNING.'
He cut a real drive-thru window into the side of his house to sell stolen goods without making customers get out of their cars. He called it 'Hot Stuff Express' and made them order into a speaker.
He broke in, asked Alexa to play heist music, and Alexa pinged the homeowner's phone with an alert: 'Unknown voice request.' He was still trying to bargain with it when the cops arrived.
He pulled a transparent grocery bag over his head, walked into a bank, and slid a note across the counter. The teller knew him by name. He said 'dang it' and waited for the cops.
He asked ChatGPT how to rob a liquor store, printed all 14 pages, brought them to the robbery, left them on the counter, and printed the part where the AI told him not to.
He robbed a 7-Eleven and tried to escape on the back of his pet emu. The emu was at the Sonic. The emu ate the money. The emu won.
He delivered weed under the pizza to the same house four times in one night. It was a narcotics sting. He gave them extra marinara and a peace sign.
He spent $340 at Hobby Lobby building a wearable azalea costume, snuck into Augusta National before dawn, and watched the front nine before a groundskeeper tried to prune him.