BOOKING REPORT Booking #JR-2026-000269

Dale Eugene "Biscuit's Neighbor" Purvis

Age39
GenderMale
RaceWhite
Booking DateApril 20, 2026 at 4:00 PM
Booking NumberJR-2026-000269

Incident Details

Purvis was cited after his neighbor’s off-duty drug-detection K-9, a Belgian Malinois named Biscuit, escaped through a fence gap and wandered into Purvis’s open garage during a 4/20 gathering of twelve guests. Biscuit ignored the hot dog he was offered — ‘consistent with his training’ — and sat in textbook alert position next to a Yeti cooler containing four ounces of cannabis, a glass pipe, and edible gummies. Biscuit’s handler, Officer Travis Worthy, arrived in cargo shorts and flip-flops holding a half-eaten Capri Sun and faced what the report calls ‘an awkward professional dilemma.’ Cobb County PD confirmed Biscuit received ‘no additional commendations for freelance work.’ He still has not eaten the hot dog.

DISCLAIMER: This booking report is entirely fictional and satirical. This is not a real arrest record. Any resemblance to actual persons is purely coincidental.