Volkov had been operating what regulars called ‘the best fade in the tri-county area’ out of a study carrel at the Decatur Public Library for approximately three months before staff intervened. He charged $15 per cut, accepted Zelle, and had a Yelp page with 47 five-star reviews. The library’s head custodian told investigators she had ‘just assumed he was a very popular tutor.’ A small vacuum was recovered from the scene.
Dmitri Aleksandr "WiFi" Volkov
| Age | 27 |
|---|---|
| Gender | Male |
| Race | White |
| Booking Date | March 21, 2026 at 3:30 PM |
| Booking Number | JR-2026-000101 |
Incident Details
DISCLAIMER: This booking report is entirely fictional and satirical. This is not a real arrest record. Any resemblance to actual persons is purely coincidental.